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My Baby is gone...

This is my blog written for my son on his 21st birthday and reposted when he passed away last year on November 4, 2012. I added the eulogy that I read at his funeral. I miss you Morris and love you forever!

Morris Finney IV passed away suddenly. Morris was the love of my life and I will never be the same without him. He was my baby & I have to bury him on Thursday. --- On November 5, 2012 Morris Lewis Finney IV passed away suddenly. This is the Blog I wrote for his 21st Birthday two years ago. Morris was the love of my life and I will never be the same without him. He was my baby... and I have to bury him on Thursday. To my son, Morris IV on his 21st birthday, the "love of my life." It was Nov. 21, 1990 and I was 26 years old and 32 weeks pregnant. My mother died the previous May at the age of 46 and I was really having a rough time dealing with losing her, having two small children and being pregnant with my third child. Having had two "normal" childbirths with my girls, I did not think much of the pains that started on that Tuesday evening during my oldest daughter's school conference, but by Wednesday early morning I could not move or speak because the pain was so horrific, literally knocking the breath out of me. After several hours of the doctors telling me I was fine and probably had a flu, I was rushed to the hospital and they started to induce my labor. By the time they figured out that my placenta had abrubted, I was rushed into an emergency c-section and my baby was taken. When I woke up hours later, alone and scared, my baby was gone and I had no clue what had happened. I did not get to see my son in intensive care till the next day, when I was wheeled down and showed my beautiful baby who at 4 pounds, 2 ounces was one of the biggest babies in the NICU. Morris was in the hospital for five weeks, but it was not till right before he went home that the doctors told me he had suffered brain damage, due to the lack of oxygen that occurred before he was born. At first I tried to pretend that he was a healthy baby in most respects, but eventually I began to realize that something was really wrong in his development and that he needed some extra help. I took him to United Cerebral Palsy and we started intensive therapy, working to try to help him to walk and talk. A parent always holds on to hope that their child will over come their disability and for a long time I really believed that Morris would be a "typical" child if I worked hard with him and prayed. Unfortunately, this strategy did not work and I realized that I must accept the fact that my son would never walk or live a typical life. By the time he was 3, it was inevitable that he needed a wheelchair when he could not hold up his head. I have spent the last 21 years fighting for my son's rights, in the schools, at the hospital, with the health care professionals, it never really ends. Some say I am nasty, cold, tough ... but I say that I have one job in my life that is more important than any other. That job is to protect my child; I will do anything to make sure that he is given the best opportunities and care that is possible. Being a parent is not always about being popular or well liked, it's about taking care of your child and protecting him and that is the bottom line, in my book. There is no greater joy in my life than my son Morris and he has given me much more than most people could even imagine. Morris taught me to be strong, to speak up for those who are less fortunate than others, to try and over look the short comings of others. I have tried to treat Morris like any other child, I talk to him and communicate with him as if he was not disabled. I understand his "language" and understand his needs because I have become so in tune with my child. He has made me the person I am today, strong, outspoken, unselfish, and caring and I am thankful every day to have my beautiful boy in my life and all the lessons that have come by learning to protect him and try to give him a good life. What most people do not understand is that Morris is very happy, he does not care that he is different. Some say that only special people are given disabled children, but in my book that is not true – the child is what makes you special. He is one of the happiest people I know and loves me unconditionally. Morris is the love of my life and I am so grateful to have been given the chance to be his mother.

My Eulogy written and spoke at Morris’s funeral.
 
I know many of you look at me and think that my life with Morris was a burden. You think that since Morris could not walk or talk he is in a better place now. What you do not understand is that Morris was never a burden, Morris was never unhappy, he accepted his life for what it was. Morris was so smart, he understood everything, he was the smartest person I ever met and mostly he understood me. Morris was my whole life for almost 22 years. I loved Morris more than I ever loved anybody in the world. I understood everything he said to me. If I cried, Morris would wrap his arms around me and comfort me. His first words were MOM and even with his trach he said mom. Taking care of Morris was my pleasure. He was so happy; it was so easy to make him happy. Just turn on his game show or the Ellen show or take him for a walk. He loved hearing the same three books, over and over. I know sometimes people thought I was a bitch when it came to Morris, but I would fight for him no matter what. My biggest worry was how the girls would take care of him after I died. I never, ever thought that I would out live him. You will all go back to work tomorrow, go back to your jobs, but my job was taking care of my baby. My heart is broken; my whole life is gone now. Please do not say he is a better place now, because Morris belongs here with his mother, where he was always happy. I love him so much and want him back. I will never be the same without my baby boy.

Love Of My Life - Carly Simon - YouTube


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