I find it problematic that you specifically target women as beneficiaries for your "advice." By reinforcing this notion that women can "rape-proof" themselves (or their friends) you not only trivialize rape, but also perpetuate a level of victim-blaming. The stance you take implies that a person always is available for sex until he or she says no, that sex is always on the table until the person actively opposes it. Developing a "strategy to keep yourself safe," is really saying "make sure he rapes the other girl." I do feel that your commentary covering the legal definitions of rape was positive in reshaping the collective consciousness understanding of "rape." However, I also think a more proactive approach towards a "learning lesson" after Steubenville is in promoting the lesson that we, as a culture, need to focus on teaching PEOPLE (how AND why) NOT TO RAPE PEOPLE.

Jessica Valenti - "being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them."

Thank you for your insights, Jennifer. I understand what you're saying. I never meant to imply that women get raped because they drink too much or put themselves in bad positions, but I do believe that we can stay alert and smart, in the same way that instinct tells us to clutch our purse more closely in some environments, or park under lights near the store's entrance when shopping at night. As for the focus on women, so much of the media opinion pieces I've seen has focused only on parents and the football players, especially the social media angle.

Well at least you didn't empathize with the rapists like CNN.

I really agree with Jennifer. The simple fact is nobody ever hammered it into these kids brains not to disrespect women like that. Personally speaking my father only had to tell me one time. He said, "You even hit a girl, and I'm putting you through a wall." He's totally capable, and he would do it too.

The fact of the matter is, when you do bad things, bad things happen. Everyone who makes a bad decision is in some part responsible for what happens to them as a result of that decision. So many bad decisions were made that night. Everyone involved in this case is responsible. From the coach who hosted the party, supplied the alcohol, every underage teen who drank that night, every parent who knew about the drinking, anyone who took a photo or video, anyone who shared that photo or video, as well as the boys who victimized the girl. Karen is right. Many lessons should be learned here. Let's not overlook the lessons that victims can learn as well. What is wrong with teaching our children to be safe by making good decisions. Why would anyone have an issue with that.

It makes me sick to see a comunity rally around to perpetrators that are obviously guilty, just because they play football. Those that say the girl is in any way responsible for the fact that these two young men made the decision to assault her just aren't dealing with reality. It's too bad these two idiots weren't tried as adults.

Karen: You make some great points. There were no winners in this situation. There is a lot to be learned from the mistakes of others.

if there is a bridge and someone chose to jump off it, it is not the bridge makers fault there is personal responsibility for ones actions,
Everything you posted I agree with and this is where the problem began

3) The victim’s girlfriend (now a “former” friend) tried to get the girl to slow her drinking and stay with her. She testified, “If I would tell her to stop drinking, she would get mad at me.” Grabbing her to prevent her from leaving, the friend said ”she kind of just swung her arm back and hit me.”
This should actually be a warning about what can happen because of teen drinking PERIOD
the rapists and girl that was raped if all were sober on that night would not be in the position that they are in today,
to say she was too drunk to to have been able to resist the rapists advances making her blameless
is about as inexcusable as if she got behind the wheel and run over a flock of nuns, only to claim she was too drunk to be blamed for their deaths

These kids will get out in a year and some sympathetic business owner will hire them because of their ex-football player status. It is a shame. The girl will feel like an outcast forever.

The victim is blameless for being raped. I can't believe the mentality of some people. A woman should be able to get as DRUNK AS SHE WANTS, and not have to worry about being raped. If I walked into a party and saw something like what happened in this situation I would of went crazy.

And Theresa you completely missed my point. You make it sound like people are just born with a strong moral code, or just born evil. I can't just pinpoint the reason why I'm not a scumbag who hurts women. There are probably many factors at play, just like with these two scumbags.

Why is it so hard for people to see that she had a responsibility in what happened to her?

No, she didn't rape herself, but she did drink herself to the point of blackout around people she couldn't trust.

She set herself up for something bad to happen and it did.

Man or Woman, I should not have to worry about it being ok for anyone to break the law and some how violate me in any way. Again, the two accused made their decision to do what they did to this girl. They are solely responsible for their actions. Someone else, especially the victim, did not make this decision for the accused. Oh, that's right, the are now convicts. They deserve far worse than what they will likely be sentanced to. And as an aggrivating circumstance, they bragged about their actions via video. They are only about a half step short of TJ Lane in my opinion.

I'm sure she did not expect to be raped.

It should be apparent without having to say it. Drinking that much is a stupid idea regardless of where you are at. You can choke on your own vomit and die, you can get alcohol poisoning and die. You can fall on your head and die. Ect. Ect.

Being sexually assaulted because you are drunk, shouldn't be on that list. The fact that some of you put it on the list as if that's just the way it is. Is exactly what's wrong with our culture today.

Just continue living and viewing the world from the back seat of the car. Don't stand up for what's right. Some of these arguments is like me saying, if I punch you in the head. You should of taken personal responsibility in not making me mad.

Thank you Troy! I could not agree more! Too many members of our society are looking for ways to spread the blame around in too many situations today. I would consider it my personal my personal responsibility to make the right choice and actually try to protect anyone I ran across that I found to be incopacitated for any reason. These young upstanding members of the community chose to behave as opportunist animals, and they should be treated accordingly. Does anyone know if they were sentenced yet today? If so, what did they get?

Eight Important Lessons for Men from Steubenville

1. Don't rape anybody.
2. Don't rape anybody.
3. Don't rape anybody.
4. Don't rape anybody.
5. Don't rape anybody.
6. Don't rape anybody.
7. Don't rape anybody.
8. Don't rape anybody.

There, fixed the article for you.

i read this article the other day, and would highly recommend it for anyone spitting nails about the blame-the-victim culture, rampant even in these comments. http://www.ebony.com/news-views/5-ways-we-can-teach-men-not-to-rape-456#axzz2O7AbpkDr

Yes, I agree Kristen! It really is that simple and these now convicts knew when they raped this girl that they were wrong as well as comiting a crime, but they were ok with it because they wrongly thought they were untouchable due to their star football fame.

While I appreciate the reminders to be aware of our environment & be responsible drinkers, etc., I, like Kristen, believe it's even more important that we teach our boys & men NOT TO RAPE. Women get raped because MEN RAPE THEM, even when they are being responsible or sober or safe or any other number of admirable things. No woman is EVER at fault for being raped, EVEN IF SHE IS DRUNK. No woman is EVER at fault for being raped, EVEN IF SHE IS SCANTILY CLAD. No woman is EVER at fault for being raped, EVEN IF SHE HAS WILLINGLY SLEPT WITH A LOT OF MEN IN THE PAST. The lessons for women coming out of Steubenville are to teach our sons to be better men, men who don't rape. Period.

http://www.happyplace.com/11433/poster-explains-how-to-not-rape

I'm not used to people agreeing with me so vehemently. Nevertheless I thought of a little bit more to say on the issue. I think that the whole "personal responsibility" argument is a cop out. Some who make that argument might have well intentions, but the mentality is dangerous. It's not helping.

Simple fact is you can use that argument to blame the victims of ANY crime. We rarely ever see that happen outside of rape cases because if you blamed any other victims you would be the next victim. Of a public lynching.

It all comes down to Men who don't respect women. We can't teach any of these old dogs new tricks, but I think the national conversation is going in the right direction. Young adults and kids need to get it in their heads. This is where we draw the line.

What Happened in Steubenville?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z86oaQ4aLcM

CT: i was reskimming some of these comments, and something jumped out...

"Some of these arguments is like me saying, if I punch you in the head. You should of taken personal responsibility in not making me mad."

you are right, that is what blaming the victim is, in a nutshell. but. this is *exactly* what some abusers say to the women they abuse. 'if you wouldn't make me so angry...' or worse 'i just love you so much, it makes me crazy.' [points for going the extra mile on that one.] so i think you are dead on in unravelling this problem logic. we have to pull back even further to see the patterns and threads in crimes against women, in general. they are laced with this type of 'she must have done SOMETHING to deserve it'. it's absolutely terrifying, but we will never change it if we don't look it in the face.

on a side note. thanks for getting fired up, everyone. it's such a relief to see others as flummoxed and, frankly, outraged by the steubenville rape and media re-victimization as i am.

yes the problem, murphy, is that one biological advantage [physical strength] is usually the litmus test men are held to in general. brene brown talks a lot about what is the accepted ideal in women [some of which includes: stay quiet, passive, and use all available resources to maintain appearance] versus what is expected of men...never be perceived as weak [physically *or* emotionally], and violence.so, women should remain objects to be seen and not heard, and men should make damn sure that they never stop seeking power, or be seen weak in any regard? a truly explosive, and perfectly brewed cocktail to perpetuate our rape culture.

While I agree with you in principle Patti, we shouldn't paint with such a broad brush. Children are tape recorders. I never observed my father hitting my mother or being aggressive or disrespectful towards women. As a result, I've never hit a women or forced myself on a women sexually and, to be fair, there are many men like myself. This cycle of violence seems to span from one generation of a particular family to another. That cycle must be broken.

There are many lessons that can be learned from Steubenville but I am afraid that this blog touches on few of them. The biggest lesson is that we need to stop teaching our children "Don't get raped" and teach them "Don't rape." We need to teach them to respect others and their humanity regardless of their dress, gender, behavior. We need to have a discussion with ourselves about consent. We need to have a huge discussion about how RAPE IS NOT ABOUT SEX. Sex is the tool to used in this act of power and violence. 80 year old women get raped in their homes. Are they somehow 'partially responsible' for their rape? Perhaps if they had just not committed the sin of being female they could have avoided that? Oh wait, no, men get raped too. Some people get raped while intoxicated, a lot more get raped dead sober. Rapists target their victims. This poor girl in Steubenville was targeted; the boys wanted to teach her a lesson. There were plenty of other girls drinking that night, plenty of other girls probably wasted beyond comprehension. Did they get raped? I hope not, what I do know is the other girls were not targets. And what of the conveniently forgotten bit that she was drugged? The kid in the video consistently refers to her as 'dead', being drunk does not disconnect you from your body. But I suppose it was her fault if she was drugged.

How about a lesson to adults on acting like a responsible adult? At some point in the chain, some adult or multiple adults bought those loads of alcohol for those teenagers. There were MULTIPLE parties that night. These kids paraded that poor girl from house to house and not a single adult noticed? I find it hard to believe that every adult in Steubenville was out of town for the evening. I mean, seriously, "Come on Abner, let's get everyone and leave for the night so the kids can have the town to themselves."? I won't hold my breath but I think that there should be charges on the adults who owned the homes at every place a party was held that night. What happened to all those cute posters about parents who host losing the most? Does that not apply if you live in Steubenville or your kid plays football?

M: of course. i am referring to the *expectations* with a broad brush, not each man or woman. but it bears attention. families are individual, and a person's actions are of course their own. looking only at a family culture [yet more pressure on women to 'raise those kids right'!] misses a bigger opportunity. most parents work hard to make sure their children head off into the world with a good set of values and tools, and most importantly, an ethical, solid a sense of self. some kids [and adults, even] are left to their own devices, and to culture for what is expected of them. maybe that sense of self has so deeply internalized the cultural mean, that it's not even seen as a problem [way way too many people, sometimes women included, accept misogyny as status quo]. just like i choose a school for my child that supports my efforts at home, i want a culture that supports my values at home, too. as i watch my girl grown up, i sort of dread the amount of time i'll spend undoing some of the messages out there. i think there are plenty of examples of 'good kids' from 'good families' making horrible decisions [more often with guns, though, lately]. i think we just have to be diligent in our homes, but not let it stop there. some families, yes, will have to break the cycle. but, for some people, only by seeing the effects on the broader stage will it really bring it home that they need to teach their boys how to be men without violence and power. *ahem* steubenville.

Woodland Woman Reportedly Awakes To Rapist In Her Bedroom-
Is the lady in this report to blame because she went to bed in what she believed to be the safety of her own home? My god, what if she had a few drinks before she fell asleep? Did she deserve to wake up to a man on top of her with a knife at her throat because she was "in bed" and somehow that is "asking for it"?

http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2012/11/09/police-woodland-woman-awoken-raped-at-knifepoint/

Yeah, I might be grasping at straws, but being raped is NEVER a woman's fault. Being born with a vagina shouldn't mean you have to fear being raped and assaulted every moment of your life. How many men worry about getting raped/assaulted if they lose their bearings or become inebriated? Do I hear crickets?
No, I but I think I hear pathetic men whistling and making cat calls at a woman passing by.

Castor Troy hit the nail on the head. People like Jean are using the same logic as a woman deserving to get beat because she knows what can happen when she gets her husband riled up. It's beyond upsetting that in 2013 people think in this matter. The blog post author is contributing to this mindset of blaming the victim even if that wasn't the intention. This article is more dangerous to our society then helpful.

I agree with Murphy. There is no real power to be gained from violence. Any feelings of power these type of criminals have is temporary and turns into a type of addiction. These are incredibly dangerous people, and the public needs to focus on that.

This whole issue just fortifies the notion that the public at large doesn't have their priorities right. All our attention and focus should be getting these violent criminals off the streets.

CT: but what then? hard truth. we are raising some boys that will become rapists right now. we can jail as many current offenders as we like...dammit, we should, far too many walk. but it's not until we address the big fat elephant in the room...misogyny, sexism, female bodies as objects, vague rules about consent, and most of all: our culture rewarding young men for the very power plays and above-the-law-ism that is at the root of this whole thing. and that is up to US, the grown ups. if we fail the little boys now, with flawed lessons about women and strength and ownership and love, we are just as culpable for their crimes later. much of our attention needs to be on education, collaboration and teaching empathy and self-worth. there will be less people to jail, because fewer people will be acting out of a desperate proving displays of power, might and manliness. but, yeah, i won't hold my breath.

Might I point out that men are victims as well. My Ex has worked in Psychiatry for over 15 years and has had many cases where Men/boys were sexually abused and raped.... I wont get into specifics but its harder for them to come to terms with or bring into the open being a male....

Mars, Like I said I understand Rape is Rape but there is a difference how Men and women are perceived by their peers and themselves... Unless you deal with it professionally I would not expect a person to totally Understand... I am not trying to take anything away from anyone, i just wanted to point out the fact that men are victimized as well. Some people don't think of men being rape or molestation victims or that it happens as often as it does.... This article is not the venue for this discussion...